Before you have kids you may think you know what loving a child means. But when you actually have one of your own you know what loving a child means. It is willing to do anything and everything for your child. But what makes it different from other types of love, like the kind you have for your spouse, parents, etc, is that you could happily spend every minute of every day simply caring for your child, making sacrifices for them, just looking at them and feel good about it the whole time! I know this is so cliche, but I feel like I've been let in on a secret: People who are parents are luckier than people who are not. They have a privilege that people without children do not. Parents have the fortune of caring for someone more than they care for themselves. This I consider a joy, the release of selfishness, at least when it comes to your child. I have joined the mother club, and it is better than I could have ever imagined. I created another person in my life to love!

All mothers think that their own baby is the cutest, smartest, strongest, etc. We look at them and only see the good parts of us passed down to them, the bad parts of us we hope were either left out of their gene pool or we will somehow prevent these poor traits from developing through good role modeling or wishful thinking. They will be smart like us but will not procrastinate in school like we did, they will only have good eating habits and a good body-image, they will have our sense of humor but not our impatience. So I try not to sound like I'm bragging when I talk about my baby girl. I am so proud of everything she does, but really all (healthy) babies do the same things at around the same time. They all laugh and coo and roll over. If she does it a bit earlier than others it, according to baby books and magazines, means nothing about her future intelligence and abilities. However, my baby will be four months old next Thursday. Today she started crawling. Or maybe technically it is called creeping. She pushed herself forward using her legs and her stomach and would have continued going straight into a glass door if I had not stopped her! Is my baby part super-hero? Who crawls (creeps?) this early? She looked like an inchworm and I was lucky to be able to catch it on video. My husband was out picking up dinner so he missed it and had to watch it when he got home. We were visiting family though so they all got to see it. What a momentous day for us! But really, is she abnormally strong? Or am I just astounded by her because she is half me and half the man I chose to love, and so beautiful that I miss her at night when she is asleep and I fear that the next day something will have drastically changed and she won't be my baby anymore. She will be a kid and these sweet baby days will be gone forever. I guess now I have to go buy baby gates.

My new year's to do list is pretty much crammed into six weeks. Basically its get a whole lot of things done to organize my house and life before going through the worst pain of my life and producing a tiny little baby. The next part of my list is: Keep the baby alive and happy and try to get enough sleep while doing it. Pretty simple really. I think.

Well, I have to say that I was quite impressed with George W. Bush's new year's plan: peace between Israelies and Palestinians. He seems quite confident that this is going to work with him as the mastermind behind it. Why did it take him 7 years to make a visit to Israel? Aren't presidents supposed to visit earlier than that? Was he waiting for enough frequent flier miles to make the trip for free? Or did he just forget that there was a problem over there? Maybe he caught sight of a newspaper the other day with an article about Israel, and he said to himself, "Oh,crap! Wasn't I supposed to do something about that? How much time do I have left? A year? All right, that should be enough time." Perhaps he then called a meeting of his advisers who fortunately for him contained someone's five year old son who was off from school and spending the day at Dad's work. This charming boy's advice was to put the leaders of the two groups into the "compromise corner" and tell them to come up with an agreement on how to share appropriately. If they can not come up with a good solution in 45 minutes then they will receive no snack for the day and have to sit in Time Out while everyone else drinks milk and eats goldfish. (Except for that one guy who is allergic to dairy and gluten products and has to drink soy milk and eat an organic, gluten-free, wheat-free, dairy-free, taste-free granola bar.) If they do succeed then everyone can stand in a circle and sing a revised version of "This land is your land, this land is my land." Followed by a rousing rendition of "Wherever you go there's always someone jewish."

I wonder what else is on Bush's "To Do before leaving office" list? I'm thinking he's pretty confident that he can do the following: Personally tutor all of the children in the country so that their reading and math scores improve, guarantee that no American's cholesterol level goes over 200, buy a really big ladder and some needle and thread and proceed to sew up the ozone layer so that there really is no global warming, get the recipe from JK Rowling for a memory charm so that everyone can forget all of his mistakes, ban the sale of canned tuna fish just because, and finally, use forklifts to transfer the entire population of Mexico to Hawaii and vice versa. Therefore Hawaiians can legally and easily come on over to the continental U.S. and the Mexicans are effectively stuck. "Try to swim over here now!" Bush can say. (Please note I am not offering my opinion on illegal immigrants, I'm just looking at things from his point of view. Plus it's not an easy issue with an easy answer.) And I do see the irony in this situation.

I hope Bush succeeds, but really, what is he thinking?

And if you think my facts are wrong, I'm sorry. I get most of my news from NPR. And I know they are supposed to deliver news in an impartial way but I swear I heard a sneer in the reporter's voice this morning when she delivered the news story on Bush. She might as well have been reporting that Ryan Seacrest thinks he can beat out both Barack and Hillary for the Democratic nomination and govern the country through singing contests. The winner each week gets to write one new law that will benefit them. Mine would be: higher salaries for teachers. My husband would probably want all slow drivers in the left lane to immediately be removed by helicopter. But who are we kidding? We can't sing!!

Being an unborn baby must be nice. It's like being spoiled and pampered. You get to lie around all day in a warm bath, someone else feeds you and carries you around, and if you get hungry you can just knock on the wall and let your host know you require some food. You can even send subliminal messages to your new mother like, "I need steak-NOW. Go to Pick and Save and buy some for me and eat it-immediately."

I wonder what else the baby thinks about as it swims around all day in tropical waters? Maybe things like this: "Eat some more Omega 3's woman, I plan to go to Yale and I need all the extra brain capacity I can get." Or, "Cut down on those fries. I'm supposed to be gaining fat, but not THIS much! I'm the size of a grapefruit, not a 250 pound trucker!"

Sometimes the doctor uses a special wand and Mom and Dad can see you and you can wave hi. Hopefully you'll have a chance to let them know if you're a boy or a girl and if you'd prefer baby animals or ladybugs decorating your new room. If you have a strong aversion to the color green now would be the time to tell them.

Once you are born things are still pretty easy for you. Other people take care of your every need. You get fed, changed, rocked to sleep, kept warm and comfortable, and everyone wants to hold you and play with you. Not all the time though. Sometimes you cry and cry and are just left alone and told to go to sleep. Sometimes you want to reach out and play with bright and shiny objects, but before you can get a really good taste of them they're snatched out of your hands! If you're lucky a soft toy may be given in its place, but all the really good stuff is taken away from you. Like if your parents bring home this GREAT cardboard box you'll think, "Oh, boy! A new box! I can wave it around, stick my head in it, gnaw on the corners, and bang on it!" But after a few minutes of enjoying your new box and making plans for it it is taken away and someone tells you "No, silly, you're supposed to play with this cheap plastic object that came INSIDE the box, the box itself is garbage." "Little do you know," your baby brain thinks, "I had big plans for this box. You're stifling my creativity. Now I'll never get into Yale!"

Mundane things seem great when you're a toddler. "Oh, boy!" you think. "Mom and Dad bought me my very own vacuum and now I can vacuum all day long! Plus sometimes I get a hold of a paper towel and I am personally responsible for shining up everything in sight! I'm doing such a good job too! I'm sure Yale would be impressed!"

Things only go downhill as you get older. Sure homework is exciting the first two times you get it, but after awhile it becomes a nuisance that only takes away from your free time. And suddenly cleaning is no longer the treat you once thought it was. In fact, by the time you reach adulthood you have to spend pretty much all of your time working, cleaning, running errands, and doing all the other nonsense that constitutes being an adult. The joy you felt decades ago at being able to feed yourself and the excitement and accomplishment you felt when everyone cheered when you used the toilet successfully are gone. The general workplace assumes you can do the above without a problem. I mean if everyone at work received a sticker and applause after using the toilet not only would productivity go down, the company would spend all it's discretionary money on stickers instead of motivational posters like "There is no I in team," and "Winners never quit, and quitters never win." Without those posters people would be spelling team as "teaim" and quitting things all the time!

Things are just different when you are an adult. It's not so cute when your boss puts a box full of files on your desk expecting you to go through each one and type all the information into the computer and all you say is "Oh, boy! A cardboard box! Think of all the things I can do with it! Thanks!"

Last night I tried voting for my favorite singer on American Idol but the line was busy. I kept dialing and dialing and dialing over and over and over. But I also kept falling asleep while I was dialing so I don't know if I dreamed that the operator came on and told me to stop dialing that number or if I dreamed it. I've been thinking about it all day and I really can't distinguish if it was a dream or not! I didn't even get to vote because the line never stopped being busy. Maybe American Idol wreaks havoc on the American phone system. All circuits are being used up by people trying to vote for strangers who can sing.

Current Mood: confused

Today I subbed in one of my favorite rooms: the CD (cognitively disabled) room. I love the kids in there but today one of the girls was beating up all the teachers. She punched, hit, and scratched me. Oh well, she is severely mentally challenged and this is typical behavior for her. Still it hurt. All I was trying to do was help her out with her day by giving her her lunch and reminding her to stand for the pledge of allegiance. I've been injured before by students when I was in M.P.S. but they were not mentally challenged-they were just mean. And angry. And first graders. Sad.

I would like my own set of American Idol judges to follow me around and help me make decisions. They would provide a balanced point of view. "Hmmm," I would say, "should I work out today or just watch Ellen?" One judge would tell me I was not in shape enough to skip exercise, while the second one would say "You worked hard all day and you walked for 45 minutes yesterday. You deserve to watch Ellen!" And the last judge would say, "That's rubbish! You're going to Curves!"

I was emailing someone and this is what came out:

I think Mother Nature is directly responsible for most insurance companies not covering infertility treatments. She must believe its either her way or the highway: Create the babies naturally or just raise puppies.

We no longer have cable TV for two reasons. One, it’s a way to cut unneeded expenses, and two, long hours of life should not be spent in front of the TV. It doesn’t necessarily turn your brain into mush, as my mom told me when I was a kid, but it does waste your time, leaving you with hours of just sitting and staring and nothing to show for it.
However, I do like TV and I sorely miss the Food Network. I spent the first year or so of no cable watching little TV at all. Gilmore Girls, Grey’s Anatomy, and the occasional Supernanny were all I needed. And lo and behold, I had more time to do other things that I both enjoyed and needed to get done.
However, lately I’ve wanted to watch more and more TV. I wish I could turn on 30 minute meals or Everyday Italian, or Design on a Dime, but I can’t so I’ve resorted to shows like American Idol and Wife Swap! I can’t believe I am actually spending my precious hours on this crap. What’s even worse is that I’m enjoying it! Plus I find myself guiltily turning on other reality shows like Grease: You’re the one that I want. Is it bad to feel guilty for watching TV everyday? Should I be seeking more fulfilling activities? It’s only a couple of hours a day. I mean with work, errands, cooking, “have tos” and general fatigue capping all of this with a few hours of watching mindless television isn’t so wrong.

It is cold. Really cold. So cold the schools have been closed for two days. So cold the Milwaukee Public Schools are closed, and they never close. Even when the suburban schools close Milwaukee Public Schools require that both teachers and students show up. I think it has to do with the teacher’s contract in Milwaukee. It’s under section 12 b (iii) “Teachers are not allowed to have any unexpected days off lest they relieve some stress and actually come to work happy. Should this occur overall health of the staff might actually improve and we would have no argument for good benefits.”

Growing up in New York we didn’t have schools closed for cold! Just for a few inches of snow and once for a hurricane which just turned out to be rain. But here in Wisconsin they only close school if the snow reaches like a foot and if it’s like negative 36 with the wind chill and so cold that the mailboxes stop standing guard on the street and form a strike. They actually can be heard screaming out “Give us more humane working conditions or we’ll chew your mail up and spit it out! What do we want? Sweaters! When do we want them? Now!” They’ll only go back to work once they have adequate protective clothing and hot chocolate on the hour, every hour. Plus they need their health insurance upgraded in case of frostbite.

In fact, it is so cold the birds who flew “south” to Wisconsin for the winter are asking for their money back and our pear tree used our computer last night to book a flight to Mexico. He got a really good deal on Midwest airlines. He’ll need the extra leg room for all his branches. And he’s ready to break his all fruit and water diet and go to town on the free soda and chocolate chip cookies. He’ll be out of luck though if Air Tran succeeds in buying out Midwest by the time he wants to come back north for the spring. He’ll be squashed into a small seat and he may suffer some broken limbs making it necessary for some immediate medical assistance upon his return to our yard. We better upgrade his medical coverage too. 

Current Mood: cold